Just a head’s up that I’ll be in Moultonboro, NH, tomorrow, 11:30 AM, at the Bald Peak Colony Club, for an author lunch to benefit the Wolfeboro Public Library. Say hello if you’re in the area.

You have the opportunity to name yourself the CEO of one of the following businesses. Make your selection in the poll on the message board, and defend your choice either there, or here in the comments thread.

Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Products: The world’s most beloved mass-produced candies and chocolates. Pros: International demand is off the charts. Twenty years ahead of every other candy company. Devoted staff can literally be paid beans. Cons: childhood obesity is already at an all-time high. Some controversial sweets probably represent health risks; children in tests have turned into enormous blueberries, inflated to the size of balloons, and been shrunk to the size of pins. Lawsuits are still pending.

Stark International. Products: The world’s most sophisticated weaponry, robots, reactors, and medical technology. Pros: International demand is off the charts. In the past, CEO’s have kept best tech for themselves. The modes of transportation mentioned in the first ever Tuesday Daydream are moldy-oldies for Stark International insiders, who live a literal jet-setter lifestyle, blasting around the world in state-of-the-art armored suits complete with functional jetpacks. Cons: You make weapons, dude.

Frustrated Incorporated. Product: Misery and Misery Antidote. Pros: International demand is off the charts. Ingenious business model – as founding CEO David Pirner explained in his original business plan, “we’ll create the cure, we’ll make the disease.” Existential moping is hot; Pirner dated Wynona Rider. Lots of people will pay to be unhappy along those lines. Presumably with a cure to the disease, it should be a snap to resolve your own unhappiness, when you’re in the mood to feel better. Cons: the misery business already suffers from an overcrowded field; tough to overwhelm the competition. Expect trouble from the FDA.

Picture credits: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Warner Bros.), Stark Industries (Marvel), and Consulting (despair.com, which everyone should visit at least once a month, and which is the true, real world version of Frustrated Incorporated).

I am glad to say a new short story of mine, “The Devil on the Staircase,” was recently accepted for an upcoming anthology, STORIES, edited by Al Sarrantonio and Neil Gaiman. Last I heard, the book is due in February of 2009, and is being put out, I believe, by my own publisher, William Morrow. Here’s where I’d stick a picture of the cover, if I had a picture of the cover, but I don’t, because as far as I know, there is no cover yet. So you just have to use your imagination.

Just a reminder that I’m popping by the NH GraniteCon in Manchester for a couple hours tomorrow, to sign copies of Locke & Key, and anything else folks feel like bringing by. Everything you want to know at the link.

I’m pleased to hear that Locke & Key is still selling reasonably well. At the same time, I know not everyone is happy about wandering into their local comic store Wednesday afternoon, to buy the latest issue, only to hear that the shop ordered just one copy, and they already sold it to someone else.

There’s a simple way to keep that from happening, though, which is to set up a pull-list with your friendly neighborhood comic book shop. In other words, just ask your store to hold a copy of the latest issue for you when it comes in, and they will. Not only that, they won’t order just one copy; they’ll order at least two, one to sock away for you, and another to put on the stands.

I have a pull-list myself and thought it might be worth sharing. Below is a list of the five comics my comic book store is putting aside for me on a monthly basis. If you share my comic book compulsion, and have a pull list of your own, go ahead and add it to comments thread. Be brave.

1. Logan (Vaughan/Risso). ‘Cause Y is over and Ex Machina only comes out every other month. And how many excuses do you need to watch Wolverine slicing things up?

2. Kick-Ass (Millar/Romita, jr.) Which humbly advertises itself as the Best Superhero Comic of All-Time! And who am I to argue? The first issue actually kind of pissed me off, because Millar writes so much better about high school kids than I do.

3. Criminal (Brubaker/Philips) Dirty, blood-on-your-knuckles fun of the Lee Marvin/Charles Bronson crime movie variety. Filmed in eye-corroding Phillipsvision.

4. Ex Machina (Vaughan/Harris) As smart and addictive as Y: Last Man, although in some ways Mayor Hundred is an even more fully formed protagonist than Yorick Brown. Also, there’s more emotion just in the way Tony Harris draws people’s hands then there are in some whole comic books.

5. Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas (Favreau/Granov)… ’cause after the movie, I had to see how Favreau handles a comic. The ability to tell a story in one medium does not guarantee the ability to tell a story in another, but in this case I think there’s good reason to be optimistic.

BTW, this may be the start of something regular. I’ll see if I can’t find another Five Things That Go Together next Friday…

Photography by Shane Leonard. Those interested in prints can contact him by PM through the message board.

Out today.

Your job requires you and your loved ones to relocate to a remote but bucolic setting. You have, conveniently, been offered a choice between three options. Make your selection known by voting in the poll on the message board and defend your choice there, if so inclined (you can also defend your choice in the comments thread, but there have been some accidental deletions lately, so go at your own risk).

Your job, by the way, is selling farm equipment. Although that may mean one thing in one place (horse-drawn tractors) and something else in another (moisture vaporators).

The Shire. Pros: local produce second to none, neighborhood taverns feature striking microbrews, friendly if socially conservative community. Cons: local gossip can be tiresome, located a great distance from any center of culture, occasionally ravaged by angry wizards/orcs etc.

Tatooine. Pros: Most glorious sunrises and sunsets to be found in six parsecs, fabulous desert vistas, local communities support thrilling monthly pod-racing tournaments. Cons: Unruly sand people occasionally slaughter farmers, local Hutts act like gangsters and demand tributes, only culture on the entire planet is a gang of jazz-playing bipedal squids.

Pepperland. Pros: Many local bands provide astonishing range of music, quaint small-town community is supportive of others and famously nonjudgmental, and due to its location several leagues under the ocean, the native seafood dishes are not to be beat. Cons: Conversation with the villagers can be frustrating, as they have a tendency to speak in bad puns and zen koans. Although the area is low on crime, the local law enforcement is feeble, and occasionally over-run by the blue meanies. The Pepperland anthem is “Yellow Submarine,” which is really only fun the first thirty or so times you hear it.

Enjoy.

I’ve been looking at the current crop of presidential candidates for weeks, with an uncanny sensation of dejá vu… an intense feeling that the whole pack of them, taken together, existed as a group of squabbling problem-solvers in some other incarnation, in some other time.

And then it hit me, just yesterday, where I knew them from: the A-Team. And just like that, we have another Tuesday Daydream.

In a short time, this man will no longer be president:

It is important you vote for his replacement. Make your voice heard in the poll over on the message board. If so inclined, you may defend your selection, here on the comments thread. You have four highly qualified candidates to choose from. And they are:

Col. John “Hannibal” Smith. Pros: Hero of the Vietnam War, McCain – er, Hannibal – is noted for his humor and straight talk. His plans may sound crazy, but frequently come together. Cons: Not afraid to lead the people who trust him straight into Damnation Alley.

B. A. Baracus. What, did you think I was going to identify B.A. with Obama, just because they’re both African American? Get real. BA is Hillary all the way. Pros: Notorious brawler, not afraid to throw the kitchen sink at an opponent, be them Columbian drug lords or another Democrat, dangerous to underestimate (just ask Rocky), pity the fool who gets between her – uh, him – and what he wants. Cons: The B. A. stands for bad attitude. Life is one long continuing negative campaign

Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck. Pros: Charismatic, inspiring, persuasive. Obviously the change candidate – Faceman changes identity every episode. Surprisingly resourceful in a fight. Cons: Maybe too slick, foolishly thinks he can talk enemies out of doing bad things.

Capt. H.M. “Howling Mad” Nader Murdock. Pros: Comic relief. Cons: Isn’t that funny. Probably ought to be on mood-controlling medication.

Go on now – go ahead and vote. And I hope you remembered to pull the lever in real life, too.

I just started running the latest version of WordPress, and me and my trusty team of web samurai are still getting used to the new interface. A few misbegotten clicks of the mouse resulted in some very cool comments being deleted along with a whole mess of spam. Apologies… we’ll get it sorted it out soon enough, I promise.